get a grip, dianE!!
POSTED AT 01:35 PM

budzter

what the fuck is going on??? i've been losing stuff! as in stuff. first a binder of theo notes, now my math notebook. GET A GRIP!

 

this hasn't happened before, i swear. bat biglang ang tanga ko? siguro i should sleep at night na noh? so i'm not so groggy in the morning? messed up sleeping patterns is making me so tanga.

either that or always nalang talaga akong excited umalis sa class na naiiwan/nakakalimutan ko kung nasaan na gamit ko. the other day din i ALMOST lost my ONLY ateneo baseball cap. jeez. JEEZ. GET A GRIP!!! UGH. knock knock, brain? are you still there?? UGH.

 

math test in 3 hours. luck to me and the rest of my classmates. UGH. Math test na, at nawawala notebook ko. good job, good job.

"nawala lang yung love"
POSTED AT 03:13 PM

budzter

bat parang lahat ng tao ngayon nagbbreak? tapos yan yung parating ginagamit na reason: "nawala lang yung love"

nawawala pala ang love? totoong love kaya yun? bat nawala?

ugh.

gusto ko ng airplane.

weh ang labo

getting rid of a silly crush.
POSTED AT 10:15 PM

budzter

ugh. i give up. enough of this. enough of you. i regret ever walking into that classroom a sem ago. i regret ever seeing you do that silly dance you did at lab (the one where you sheepishly looked down when you realized you were blocking the way). i regret overhearing you talk to your friends about basketball (the one where you were telling them about your last game...). i regret ever noticing you ( i was far better off when i didn't know you existed). i regret listening to your cute, childish comments on weird prof's lectures. i regret ever seeing you. i regret going through all the trouble of finding out your name and researching all those bits of trivia about you (yes, i attempted at "stalking" but it was utterly useless. everything there was to know about you was out in the open. i insisted there was something more to you, but there wasn't. i'm just pathetic.). i regret asking my friends about you. i just wish i could go back, say, a sem, and not have seen you/ heard you talk/ anything at all! ugh. you're a dream. you're surreal. i imagined you. i made you up in my mind. i insisted on the existence of perfection to the point of allowing myself to conjure a fantastic image of you. i was just stupid. you're not as perfect as i thought you were. for the longest time i was obsessing over a dream. time to wake up. snap back to reality. ugh. and it hurts.

it hurts to realize everything was fake. and it hurts more to realize that something which i have been clinging to for more than a sem now doesn't actually exist, or at least doesn't seem to anymore.

yet when i see you, i can't help but hope that you actually are as perfect as i imagined you to be. ugh. i am so weird. i need to see a psychiatrist. i'm going insane. wahhhhhhhh wahehehehehhehe

 

okay, i think this blog has time and again proven how extremely inconsistent my mind works. and this entry is a prime example. wehehehe

Feeling: weird. yeah. just weird.

"inggitera" daw o.
POSTED AT 09:57 PM

budzter

"inggitera" daw o. okay lang, at least ngayon alam ko na kung ano ka talaga.

1. you get something new and you ask a friend (who you thought was happy for you) for help on how to figure it out, thinking that that friend would be happy to help you if she could and all you get is a snort, plus she starts thinking that your only reason for getting it was to spite her.

2. a good friend doesn't snap because of extremely shallow things.

3. a real friend doesn't ask you to repay every single favor she does for you and remembers that she owes other people certain favors also. it's supposed to work both ways, in case you haven't realized! oh yeah, and a real friend would talk to you if she has problems with you, and not go around back biting you or anything.

3. a decent person recognizes when she's going over her limits already. like when she's making other people uncomfortable, she ought to stop already. (not her though! she goes on doing extremely annoying stuff which by the way bothered US since last year, oh and yeah, when some people were on the verge of, i dunno, kicking her off the couch or something, i stuck up for her, and now this? to think i got into an argument against an extremely close friend just to defend her. pero hindi naman ako naniningil, hindi naman ako tulad mo. and you talk about decency as if you actually know something about it. hmmn. on second thought, if for you decency=sucking up to you because may utang na loob, sige, wala nga ata ako nun.)

 

for the record: i wouldn't spend a whole lot of money just to spite you, okay? if you're that low, don't think everyone else is. besides, sino ka ba na pag gagastusan ko ng ganun? and i don't get what exactly you're mad about... because i asked you for help? or because i have something you want?

 

part of me is nasasayangan sa friendship. but then again, kung yun na man lang, maybe i'm even better off without you.

 

and just when you thought you were starting to get to know a person. tsk tsk.

fun fun...
POSTED AT 11:16 PM

budzter

went to eastwood with sanndra after a looooong day. we shopped (well, not technically, since we didn't get to buy anything), watched sky high (steven strait, yummieee!!! wahh. i want super powers also!), ate dippin dots, had dinner at italianis (prolly the most expensive dinner i've had na hindi si mama yung nag pay... almost 400 each!! grr. pero okay lang, one time lang. hehe and masarap naman eh...) hayy. now back to reality.

SA. argh. SA. argh. hahay. then theo after. hayy. hell month! hell last 5 weeks of the sem. take a deep breath, hang on. konti nalang! whee..

POSTED AT 06:41 PM

budzter

love the lyrics tho i never heard the song. weheh. tnx eyn

 

 

Believe the news I’m gone for good.
Call off the search. No one will know that I am down here
And believe the note I left for you.
You can’t turn back the clocks
You can’t pull me up from here so don’t try.

I’m in a car underwater with time to kill
Thinking back I forgot to tell you this:
I didn’t care that you left and abandoned me.
What hurts more is I would still die for you
I’m in a car underwater with time to kill
Thinking back I forgot to tell you this:
I didn’t care that you left and abandoned me.
What hurts more is I would still die for you.

Make time slower. Give me longer
It’s too late for me
No one will know that I’m down here
And believe your dreams of me sinking so far below.
You can’t pull me up from here so don’t try

I’m in a car underwater with time to kill
Thinking back I forgot to tell you this:
I didn’t care that you left and abandoned me
What hurts more is I would still die for you
I’m in a car underwater with time to kill
Thinking back I forgot to tell you this:
I didn’t care that you left and abandoned me
What hurts more is I would still die for you

Leave it up to me to burden you again
This was not your fault… please forgive me
Leave it up to me to burden you again
This was not your fault… so forget, so forget, so forget me

Don’t think back, don’t think back on me at all
Just let me go
Don’t think back, don’t think back on me at all
Just let me go
Don’t think back, don’t think back on me at all
Don’t think back, don’t think back on me at all
Don’t think back, don’t think back on me at all

I’m in a car underwater with time to kill
Thinking back I forgot to tell you this:
I didn’t care that you left and abandoned me
What hurts more is I would still die for you
I’m in a car underwater with time to kill
Thinking back I forgot to tell you this:
I didn’t care that you left and abandoned me
What hurts more is I would still die for you
I would still die for you
I would still die for you
I would still die for you
I would still die for you
And I would still die for you

POSTED AT 02:41 PM

budzter

lemme borrow the gasgas line "stuck between a rock and a very hard place" cause that's exactly how i feel right now.

everytime they ask where i'd spend sembreak, christmas, new year and summer, my stomach churns. demmit. how am i supposed to choose between them? this sucks, bigtime. i have to choose between two "lose" situations - whichever way i go, someone is bound to get hurt. hmmn. hmmph.

POSTED AT 10:49 PM

budzter

hmmn,. lemme start with some acad eklat.

had math LT5 kanina. garrh. at 7:30 in the morning. how annoying is that? ugh.

anyway, that exam was supposed to be at 4:30 kaso ateneo-lasalle was also at that time so my classmates (ahem! VIVA, et al.) argued na the exam be moved to 7:30. ugh. bad for me. but anyway, since the exam was moved, might as well watch the game na rin, right? so since i got jandrew to buy me a ticket (thankyooo ja!), i watched with gen and stacy na rin.  more on that later, acad update muna.

 

Ma'am pingol gave back last tuesday's SA exam and guess what? i failed. again. whee. nice noh? i'll just fail theo and SA then pass math and eco then i'm gonna have my mediocre QPI again that's not high enough to get me my car. argh.

 

so anyway... there. we watched the game. i still can't accept that ateneo lost against lasalle by 17 points. super garrh. think - first ateneo-lasalle game na i watched live and we lost. super depressing. nakakwalang gana manood ulit.hehe. pero fun din naman e. save for the fact that kramer missed, what, four baskets in a row? and that they were all messing up on the free throws. we were all like "what the fuck is going on with you?"

galing ng lasalle sobra! parang every play na inaattempt ng ateneo nababara nila... as if nakaplano - lahat may counter. well i guess naka plano nga talaga ata. whehe.. pero still. galing nila. bilib bilib. kung hindi ako atenista at wala akong bias sa ateneo, i guess i'd have been cheering for lasalle also (baad BAAAADDD!~ weheheh) hehehe.

 

after the game, hang out kami ni gen and stacy sa gateway tapos nagpapicture kami then after that gen and i walked around while waiting for the picture, at bininyagan ko ang bago kong credit card (i bought a bag! whee) and then we went to bodyshop and played around with their make up testers. hehe. para kaming mga engot pero okay lang. hehehe. suuuper fun. i should do something like this more often. .. wait, i am doing things like this more often now than i did before,,... whehehe.. wala lang.

nice day.
POSTED AT 07:23 PM

budzter

went to school ALMOST on time. (only 5 minutes late this time! wuhoo!)

the group report went well. hindi na ako nagsalita, i left it to them na. although there were some points in the paper that should have been raised at the report, i think it went ok.

after theo had breakfast with katy again. that's becoming our MWF routine... spam and eggs for her, teriyaki rice for me.

after that, i went home then went back to school for math.

after math, i hung with my ex-blockmates (who i missed terribly!)

then went to shoot at the range.

finally! it's finally coming back! for the first time in weeks my shots were decent! yipee.. but decent won't keep me on the team so it's work work work!

went home at around 4:30. was gonna watch phil and martin quimson at mr. and ms. som but decided not to cause no one wanted to come with me.

 

got home, had a smoke, played basketball with a 5 year old til around 6, had pancit canton, sky flakes and fish crackers for dinner (healthy, aye? NOT!), had a one hour nap, and now i'm off to the shower! whee....

 

kewl. nothing special really, pero maganda gising ko, tapos hindi pa sobrang init, tapos ayos pa shots ko, gising ako sa math, so all in all good day. :D sana parati nalang ganito.

mmn.
POSTED AT 07:42 PM

budzter

watched a lot like love with yen last night. you know those movies that are meant to make you feel good but for some reason they just don't work? well that was one of them. ugh. hehe.

ashton's hot, cute, and gwapo all in one. wheee.. hayy.. haha.

 

anyway. had a theo quiz yesterday also. i think i actually passed that one. i HOPE i actually passed that one. garrh.

 

i'm living in a twilight zone right now. certain stuff... garrh. everything's just so distorted right now. i don't know what to make out of some things. i don't know if there's even something to make out of them. sometimes they all seem so clear. as if that's it, nothing more, but then something comes up again... hayy. (@mark,ralph,etc sa D3, no this is not about boys, okay? hehe mamaya pa yun... wehh) pero yeah. everything's a mess and i'm in no position to complain OR do anything about it. i can just sit and watch. sad. sad.

 

oh and if certain people want to totally severe certain ties, then i can't do anything about it. bahala ka na, alam mo na naman siguro ginagawa mo. sure. i'd be sad but you decide. makes no difference anyway.

updates
POSTED AT 10:44 AM

budzter

grades

got a high C+/low B i'm not really sure, in my last math LT and i missed a 10 point uiz for being 40 minutes late. nice nice. so now i think my standing is C+ nalang. great.

have a high B+ standing i think in eco. i have to do well in the next few quizzes tho... garrh.

pingol gave my last reflection an A. yehey. my SA standing based on my long tests would be a D... pero hopefully with the reflection papers (a B+ and an A) and the group paper and the upcoming presentation, baka ma raise ko pa yan to a C or a C+... or a B if she's nice... sana. grr. tangina ang baba.. argh.

theo, i don't wanna talk about it.

 

byebye car. grr. argh. howell.

 

POSTED AT 09:24 PM

budzter

went for a jog in school tonight and guess who i saw in kostka?? the hottest guy on the planet!!! or not. just mr. machong pangit. but i'd haveto admit, seeing him made my night a lot better.

 

god knows what he was doing in school at 8+ in the evening, but i'm sure glad he was there... kahit he didn't as much as look at me, naging better lang night ko..

POSTED AT 01:44 PM

budzter

putanginang friendster yan o. grr..