yet again.
POSTED AT 09:01 AM

budzter

mababaw lang naman akong tao. mababaw lang mag-isip. mabilis mapasaya, kaunti lang matutuwa na. kasing bilis din nun ako kung magalit o mawalan ng gana sa kahit ano, at mabilis din mapawi galit ko.

para ito dun sa taong nagdudulot ng kasiraan sa aking ulo.

 

8:30 at kostka.

the chimes that they consider the bell rang and i left the class room. i knew you were just one floor down, i saw you there before and i keep seeing your blockmates there too. but since several mondays wednesdays and fridays have passed without me seeing you, i didn't think this day would be any different.

rushing home to get some sleep, i still couldn't help scanning the faces of the people on the stairs, hoping i could get even just a glimpse of you, or, if i got lucky, maybe even a hello.

 

and there you were. looking exceptionally cute in that white hat you were wearing. you seemed in a hurry, and you were looking up, as if you were looking for someone. i stood right in front of you. yet once again, you saw right through me. you didn't even as much as look at me.

i stood right in front of you. but you were too busy looking up for someone else.

my heart now aches, my head now spins. one look from you makes me euphoric; your ignoring me sends me way down.

who are you , anyway? why do you have this much power over my emotions when in reality, i don't even know you, except by name and by face and the stuff your old friends from high school told me?

who are you to have this much control over my entire day?

 

ARGGGHHHHH.

 

yuck, ang pathetic ko. i need to get over him, fast. which shouldn't really be all that hard, after all, ...

Feeling: invisible.at least to him

yeah, yeah, yeah.
POSTED AT 09:16 PM

budzter

yeah. shit happens. but life gets better.

 

i'm over this morning's episode of, err... yeah, you get the point.

 

shit happens. but life gets better.

i think i'm passed my "i'm alone and i hate it" gab.. in fact i'm actually making some friends in my new block.

see? i come around. you don't have to take pity on me and attempt at getting people to talk to me! (ahem ahem, parinig...) 

 i think a huge  factor to those... err... circumstances was my hang-over on that chinese dude who i thought i liked(loved(?) nakampots, ano nanaman tong sinasabi ko!) and left back in tacloban. who, by the way, has not been texting much for the past month... tangina, yun yung malabo! friends na may i love you tapos kung magtampo as if kami then pag-alis ko, a few weeks nga lang, titigil na sa pagtetext. labo talaga... pero on the other hand, buti na rin lang, para mawala na hang over ko sa kanya, and i can go on obsessing on... **b*... ahehehe.

Anyhoo. lemme give an update of my life.

 

pol walked with me from cheer rally. he's still a really nice guy, and now that he's dropped the pseudo flirting (medyo parang na hindi, gets mo?) he's okay na.

i watched the blue eagles vs. legends match. as expected, the legends lost. duh. first off, they were actually expected to lose. second, how do you win when everybody's cheering for the other team? and third, hello, they were wayyy out of shape! plus i got annoyed at how the referees kept throwing fouls at the legends when a lot of us didn't see anything. but the new blue eagles coach is doing a great job - they're playing a lot better now. i hope they get to the championships and actually win.

martin quimson has a really nice ass. and chris tiu's mouth sort of distorts when he's handling the ball. wala lang, some little things that i noticed. oh and i finally saw vince hizon in person. dang! he's so friggin hot!!! GUSTO KO SIYANG IRAPE!!! (jowk lang po. nako, manyak ang labas ko nito!! JOOOKKKEEE LANNGG! i was kidding around with kenny kasi kanina.. aheh)

nga pala, congratulations to philip alexander rex velez! i'm proud of you dude! and you really look good on the floor! *thumbs up!* hehe.

hmmph. what else pa ba...?

 

oh yeah, i went to gateway with sam and sam yesterday. we watched war of the worlds. all the special effects were kewl, but nabobo ako dun sa kwento. i mean, robbie ran toward the tripods, right, then everything exploded, so i, like everyone else, assumed he'd died. but then why'd he come out in the end? and pano siya nauna dun sa boston?! tapos bakit pagdating nila sa boston halos lahat ng buildings sira na except dun sa tinitirhan ng parents ng mom ng mga anak niya? tapos maayos pa lahat ng mga damit nila na parang walang nangyari? and bakit hindi nag freak out yung kid habang nandun sila sa cellar, i mean nag freak out nga siya sa car, bat hindi dun. tapos hindi ko din masyado na gets kung bakit namatay yung mga alien. dahil ba sa mga libo libong microorganisms na nag eexist sa planet natin (yun yung pagkakaintindi ko, mali ba ako?) tapos ano yung mga ugat ugat na thingies na limabas dun? ang labo talaga, putangina.

pero in fairness, ang cute ni tom!!! ahehehe...

 

hay nako.

matapos namin mag watch ng movie, kumain kami sa taco bell, then biglang sumunod si jake then after dinner nag time zone kami and sam kicked my ass dun sa basketball watchamacallit. but ayos lang, just for fun lang naman yun eh. pero weird, when i played with G dun sa eastwood dati, i scored around 50+ pero dun, barely 20. siguro dahil mas maliit yung court thingy nila...? ack ewan.

tapos, yun uwi na kami. then gumawa ako ng paper then natulog then pumasok..... okey mukhang wala na itong pinatutunguhan,.

lol.

aiming for an A
POSTED AT 03:30 PM

budzter

i want an A.

 

who doesn't, right?

 

but this time i really really really want one. BADLy. hmph.

 

 

 

which is why i doubled my alloted time for studying to 18 hours instead of just 9. not that it's gonna help much: i spend more time doodling than actually doing any studying, but i hope it helps kahit konti lang. oh well..

i just wanna see a damn A in my report card, and i know i will. somehow.

wish me luck. :p

 

*why do i allow you to cause this much damage ? putangina mo. wahehehe.

Feeling: invisible pa rin. hmp

POSTED AT 11:14 PM

budzter

nice break up song yung steep by lauren chisty.. listen to the lyrics, dang ang saklap.

tadadadadum. and once more, senseless banter
POSTED AT 10:21 PM

budzter

 

i'm bored.

i shouldn't be bored.

but i am.

okay that made hell of a lot of sense.

 

 

 

things i have to do:

1. Laundry. hmph.

2. socio readings

3. theo readings

4. eco readings

5. read gabriel garcia-marquez' hundred years of solitude (i don't think i have time for this. hmph.

6. go over math notes. (to self: you can't afford another low score, okay? study study study!!)

 

now's prolly my only shot at the dean's list - i only have four subjects,... well.. technically., hmph. if everything turns out alright, i'll have my "baby" here in no time. go fight!

sana sana sana. the only "hurdle" would be pingol for S.a. argh.. but. kakayanin. KAKAYANIN!!!! argh...

and then i won't be walking anymore. wahoo! no more looking sabog in school and no more trike/truck/taxi drivers or people on the streets going "HI MISS... pst pssst." leche.. AND no more weird tan lines (shirt marks! grabeh! stripes na likod ko!!!) and no more LRT and no more jeepneys. yess!!!

 

anyhoo... scratch that na muna.

i bought a copy of fyodor dostoyevsky's crime and punishment though i have absolutely no idea why - i haven't even read coelho's fifth mountain or finished kundera's unbearable lightness of being (half a chapter! argh!) pero for some reason i just bought it.... ewan., gusto ko lang...

 

i'm way over my budget na! it's july 7 and my allowance is ubos na! but they're sending the 2nd half of it on the 15th so i'll just starve for the next 8 days... wahoo. all the better for me to lose weight.

 

i lost around 6 pounds na ata, give or take. pero exagg mag fluctuate ang weight ko! nakakaparanoid! oh well. at least phil thinks i look good!(thankyou man! i love you for that!)

that's great. 6 pounds down, 14 more to go. the goal: become underweight.  DANNG.. kaya kaya..

 

so there. 2 goals - lose weight and get in the dean's list. konting effort, konting tyaga, i'll get em both. hmph. sana lang wag tamarin dba?

oh and yeah, there's a third goal - befriend mr. perfection personified.

 

i hope he knows who he is. damn i hope he knows who i am for that matter.

 

oh well.

 

i'm thinking about whether i should go on with my plans to go belly dancing and boxing. no one seems to want to go with me, and, at the rate i'm going, it looks like i won't be having too much time for that. at least for the rest of the month. i just joined ateneo lex and i will be joining ateneo economics association and i want to be active in both orgs, and maybe join another one(either ajma or cosa) and be active in that org too. and since kakatapos lang ng rec week, there'll be g.a's and shit like that, plus i have to train para sure na i won't get kicked out of the team.

on the other hand, working out would probably be good for my stamina and i remember last year when i was still going to moro, the endorfins kept me alive the entire day and let me sleep well at night. so maybe may ++ side yun...? hmn. tingnan natin.

kaya ko toh. kaya. kaya.

(salamat karlo. ang positive mentality mo ay dumikit na sa utak ko!)

 

POSTED AT 11:58 AM

budzter

bubba gump. em sannds me and a shaker of margarita (mine all mine! bwahaha)

hay nako. me and my vanity.

gurl's +rovi night out. wahahaha... after ice, pauwi na si rovi.

me em and sannds at starbucks greenbelt (meron naman sa katipunan, bat pa sa greenbelt? waahaha)

 

i had fun. i sobrang needed that. thank you for the wonderful night you guys!

 

life update.
POSTED AT 08:13 PM

budzter

school stuff.

1. i got an 80/100 in the first long test in math, which is decent to think that more than half the class failed (read= 11 out of 20!) and the highest score was 82.

2. i can't make any sense out of my socio-anthro prof. i know she's extremely smart and that i ought to learn a lot from her, unfortunately she might as well be speaking in tongues since none of us seem to understand her.

3. eco seems okay. so far it looks like a decent grade wouldn't be too hard to get. i hope it doesn't get any harder later on.

4. my theo teacher is really cool, but she seems tough. just this morning she assigned this group project on the sacraments and its importance to christian life. first off, i would have a bit of a bias against this since for the longest time i've had my misgivings about the practices of the catholic church and a lot of other religions, for that matter. but i think this subject would help strengthen my already faltering faith, so i think it might be worth giving a shot.

 

extra-curricular activies

1. i joined/am joining orgs this year. i signed up for Ateneo Lex, AJMA, and AEA plus my promise to myself that i would be exceptionally active in ARPT this year.

2. i suck at giving interviews! seriously! i think i bored the shit out of the guy i was interviewing this afternoon. especially since i was sitting next to kenny and he, as usual, was extremely lively and entertaining while conducting the interview. i think another problem which amounted to my being so boring was that i didn't really see the relevance of the questions, plus i don't know which info we're allowed to disclose and which are confidential in addition to the fact that i don't know what they were told when they first signed up. (or baka kaya din ako medyo out of focused kasi yung iniinterview ni kenny mas kyut kesa dun sa iniinterview ko? wahahahaha yack, diane, pati freshmen pinatulan! yack yack yack.,)

 

out of school stuff

1. i hope my parents realize how much of a mistake it was to let me stay in the dorm instead of moving with sam and the rest of them to burgundy. their main reason for keeping me here was the curfew- they didn't like the thought of me being able to come and go as i pleased. unfortunately for them, they failed to factor in the possibility of me sleeping over at their place as often as i can. (read = the other weekend, we went to laffline and i slept over at sam's. last thursday, i, again, slept over at sam's after a night of watching movies then last saturday i slept over at m.m's after a night of partying with my D3 blockmates at greenbelt) so that defeats the purpose of their paying an extra 2000+ pesos to keep me here. wahaha. but then i'm also a bit glad especially since, had i chosen to stay there, i wouldn't have the services of ate christine (yaya) and the pleasure of the company of jen and yen and ate coline, etc. plus the fact that i would be alone there on weekends, since sam anna and daine go home to las pinas, zy goes home to commonwealth and sam s. goes home to pampanga.

2. as you've probably drawn from the preceding "paragraph", i've been going out more often now than i did before. (a lot more often!) i'm taking the chance now that my workload in school isn't that heavy yet and i can still afford the time to go on gimicks. needless to say, i wouldn't be making this a habit since, as i said in my previos entries, i am aiming for decent grades this time.

3. i've been going on jogs around the campus with my dormmates (actually we've only gone around 3 times but that's better than nothing, right?) in case you guys are wondering why i'm jogging around campus instead of going to moro to work out, that's because the money i was supposed to use to pay for my gym membership went to my new shoes and to my saturday night thingies with my friends ;p so i'd have to wait for my next allowance before i can go. (i have to make 200 pesos last me until thursday. but i'll be okay, i still have food in the dorm) i really really want to go boxing! hmph.

 

my crush

1. as far as he's concerned, i'm still invisible. enough said.

POSTED AT 10:49 PM

budzter

fearless alice chased mr. rabbit down the hole.

fearless alice chased mr. rabbit down the hole. no apprehensions whatsoever.

fearless alice chased mr. rabbit down the hole. and thus she discovered a world far different from her own.

fearless alice chased mr. rabbit down the hole. and learned of a whole new dimension.

fearless alice.

 

fearless, naive alice chased mr. rabbit down the hole. and discovered a world of madness of all sorts.

 

i think there's a little bit of fearless alice in all of us... or are we all just naive?

 

jump in. to a world unknown.

jump in. you've nothing to lose.

 

 

unfortunately,...

unlike fearless, naive alice, there's no nanny to wake us up at the end of it all.

 

jump in. to a world unknown.

 

 

* i know i didn't make much sense and i bet you were better off without having read this. bwahahaha. soreeE!

POSTED AT 11:44 PM

budzter

Hmm -- maybe, just maybe, it's time to get some things out on the table? There seems to be some intense stuff going on, yet neither of you is actually acknowledging it. This is especially true if you've been teaming up on any projects or plans; or maybe you've been waiting for the right time to share a secret. The good news is that, despite whatever agendas you're carefully keeping cloaked, the two of you are actually very receptive to each other now. No time like the present, right?

 

you know those friendster joint horoscopes? weell this is what it says about me and my crush for today. wahahaha. yuck ang loser ko, nagbabasa ako nun. wahaha

yack. ang sagwa naman nito. somehow i can't quite place .. haha

POSTED AT 10:02 AM

budzter

may God grant eternal repose on the soul of my uncle, Cesar H. Blanco Jr., may he finally find peace with his Maker.

my condolences to my cousins, Kuya Gert, Bea and KenKen and to Auntie Binky.

POSTED AT 11:00 PM

budzter

ack. i won't be surprised if i failed this morning's s.a long test. guess i'd have to push thoughts of driving aside for now.

 

what would it take? can i get a decent grade without having to gaya david (sorry man!) and go to the lib like everyday? i know i'm determined but i know myself well enough to recognize that my watchamacallit... perseverence? span? whatever for stuff like these are really short and i wouldn't want a reiteration of the stuff that happened back in high school (read= do so well on the first grading, then get burned out and fail 2nd grading, try to pull my grades back up come third grading but to no avail, so by 4th grading, no honors na.) hmph. i know for a fact that if i study as hard as they do, i'd lose it by midterms and fail every single exam after that..

so how should i pace this?

at this point i'd gladly accept help from anyone. i can't burn myself out this early, but i can't go too easy on this naman.

 

hayy. i hope this is the only problematic subject for me this sem. all the rest seem fine, although i've been advised to do well on the 1st three math exams because it gets harder, and i haven't gotten my first theo paper back so i don't know how i fared. howell..

 

on a happier note, i had a swell time pigging out with sam, sam and daine at kenny rogers' tonight. hayy what will i ever do without them? thank you sobra! thank you din for letting me take a nap on your floor. wahahah...

oh yeah, i have to fit going home to tacloban into my sched. i need to go before thursday. i was thinking,..

kung this weekend

there's the ARPT orsem this sunday that i don't want to miss. PLUS cousins from australia arrive on monday so if i went now, i wouldn't get to see them anymore, unless of course i take the first plane saturday or last plane friday then come back on monday night (and cut the whole day monday..) so i'll be back in manila and still be able to take the economics long test on tuesday...(?) or tuesday first flight,... i think i'd still be able to take the test pa naman.

 

next thursday is the burial, but that's out of the question since i have a math long test that day, unless of course i dare to take it earlier (is that even allowed?) plus 2 g.a's the next day.

 

so i guess best bet would be leave tomorrow afternoon then come back tuesday morning... will that work? i'll call mama nalang.

 

bad day. well supposedly.
POSTED AT 02:14 PM

budzter

raindrops keep falling on my head. tantadadadadadumdumdumdidum dadadidum those raindrops keep falling on my head they keep falling

and i'm drenched from head till toe, i walked all the way home in the rain. hay.

howell.

but i'm happy. for some reason.

maybe i like the rain. despite how wet my hair is and the way my jeans are sticking to my legs and my white-turned-beige flip flops and the white shirt which clung to my body because of the rain water. (wet look ampota!) plus my not being able to see because my glasses were all wet.  pero i liked it. okay, consider me weird but i actually made the choice (read= get wer or buy an umbrella? 350?! cge get wet nalang)

i guess i'm supposed to be badtrip about this but for some reason i don't care too much.

 

ho hmn

 

i had my interview for ajma a few minutes back. the guy who interviewed me was kewl, and i kept throwing the questions back at him and he didn't mind. bait! exagg.

 

anyhoo. i'm having trouble with this topic sa math. well, probably because i cut twice ata this week, then i'll cut monday again. but sir said he'd help me naman if i have trouble. puntahan ko lang daw siya sa consultation hours niya. i think i'd do that. pakshit.

 

i'm leaving for tacloban tomorrow. 6 am flight i think. dammit i have to get a ticket pa. i'm waiting for the rain to lighten up. aack. howell..

 

hey two new fave songs:

the scientist by coldplay and for you by duncan sheik.

 

"cause it's an infinite world and i want you."

POSTED AT 10:50 PM

budzter

1. i'm back in manila!

2. i have a long test tomorrow.

3. he's bad for me. ang dami ko kasing ka share sa kanya.

4. i'm really really tired from the vigils and wakes.

5. i was reminded of why i wanted to get high grades, and goddammit it is worth the effort. no pingol will stop me. whatever it takes. whatever it takes. (right. easy for me to say. harumph.)

6. i'm just tired.

something i placed in ralph's journal. wala lang...
POSTED AT 06:02 PM

budzter

aba, tol! lalim nito ah!!! try lang ako mag comment ha!! hehe :


whaa...? what are you saying?

it disappears and dies only when you are unable to look beyond it. those who are "beautiful" in the physical sense are oftentimes taken as just that, beautiful, and the depth behind their physical beauty is taken for granted. more often than not, physical beauty becomes a curtain that prevents others from seeing the rest of the person.

being beautiful, then, has both its positive and negative aspects - positive in the sense that you are seen as physically beautiful; negative because for some, your being physically beautiful defines who you are and they can't see you as anything more than that.

i don't think overly gorgeous ladies have a hard time finding someone to love; rather i think they have a hard time finding someone who would look at them and love them as something more than just a pretty face. (cause most guys are just shallow pigs who want them so they can have someone to parade around or show off... )

just a thought. did i actually make sense? hehe.

yes.
POSTED AT 08:40 PM

budzter

i passed the s.a longtest. that't nice. i'm not dropping after all.

math lt.
POSTED AT 07:27 PM

budzter

math lt was a bitch. i just hope i did okay. that last was problem was just ugh! and it was 15 points too! i'm just glad it's over.

 

hayy nako. oh well.

 

we'll see tomorrow.

 

 

*salamat Eli, Abbi and JC. and Carlo na din. aral ulit for the next lt ha? hehe

just a thought... yet again. things are never as they seem
POSTED AT 02:13 PM

budzter

it's a given fact that it's not right to judge books by their covers. but what if, say, you were in national bookstore and all the books are in plastic wraps... you have no way of knowing what are inside those books, and you can't help but choose which one to buy based on the cover... dba?

then you buy the book. you read it, and halfway through it, you go "bullshit, sayang ng pera ko!''  

but what went through your head when you bought that book? you had expectations... you imagined an interesting story line with nice characters and shit like that... then you slump at what you got - it didn't meet your expectations. it didn't turn out as good as you thought it would be.

and all your expectations were based on the way the cover looked.

.....

while talking about past crushes, yen said something that caught my attention: "i just made him up in my mind. he's not who i thought he was after all."

now let's talk about my crush. who is he?

****** **** ***** **... according to my inaccurate, miswrought image of him, he's perfect.. but then again, i haven't even scanned the pages. what if he's not who i think he is? what if he isn't as perfect as i thought he would be? am i just, like yen, making him up in my mind?

......

ever missed a person so much, but then when he's finally there, you get disappointed?

when you miss a person, you dwell on nostalgia and you have this fantastic, surreal picture of him. but then once you finally see him again, you realize that your memory of him was a mere misdrawn portrait, and he is not at all as you thought you remember him to be.

.............

 

ahay nako. why do i have to make uberly simple things extremely complicated...? say what?! did i just use uberly? ack,..

Feeling: mellow

isn't this just perfecT?!
POSTED AT 11:57 PM

budzter

hayy sarap ng buhay...

this is what's nice about having an extremely jampacked, tiring hell week with lots of things to do for school coupled with some family eklat - the following week will look a lot better.

last week was a killer - two long tests plus GAs here and there plus ARPT plus some research stuff... i made my schedule earlier so as not to cram, unfortunately the thing with uncle happened so i didn't have the weekend. that messed it all up, so i had to pack everything into the weekdays (and weeknights) so basically from friday the other week till wednesday of this week, i didn't sleep at night, and the naps i took during the day lasted around 2-3 hours at a time (average of 2 per day) plus the weather wasn't cooperating, so by wednesday i was feeling a bit feverish.

enough of that, tapos na yun...

i am now enjoying the long weekend, lalo na kasi wala akong homework or anything for next week! (ay wait, may paper pala sa SA due thursday! i have to look for a copy of amelie pa. but that won't be too hard.)

sarap ng buhay! plus i went to ARPT training at Carlo big's house in Forbes... the best! relax, easy going day, sarap ng tulog ko tapos sarap ng gising, then hindi pa sabog shots ko, sarap pa ng lunch namin, then we went home saktong medyo pagod na ako, then i took a nap, after that, wala, pa tambay tambay nalang dito...

 

hayy.. sana laging ganito... you know those days na parang wala lang, absolutely no discomfort, every part of your body feels perrfeect... that's exactly how i felt today. hehe

 

btw, i've been pigging out on fried chicken - dinner ko last night, then lunch ko kanina wala lang.

 

hmmn. gusto ko ng coke float! ack. owell (i am such a pig!)

POSTED AT 04:34 PM

budzter

i'm falling even more in love with you letting go of all i held on to.

hayy nako.

 

consider me weird, but i think i'm gonna have a new crush soon..

academic update.
POSTED AT 10:17 PM

budzter

excuse the potential nerdiness.

 

MATH

• 1st long test: 80/100 (B)
• 2nd long test: 67/100 (C) *i have to make up for this, although there might be some considerations because of correction errors, BAKA MAKAABOT PA SA C+

THEOLOGY

• no long tests yet
• she hasn't returned the 1st paper
• currently working on a research paper on the sacrament of reconciliation with Jerome, etc. it's going okay so far

ECONOMICS

• i ALMOST topped the 1st long test. 96/100 yung highest, daryl and i tied for second, 94/100. still an A but it doesn't get me my mp3 player. (consider me materialistic; i know i shouldn't be striving because of the incentives, but it is and has always been my parents' way of making me and my brothers WANT good grades. haha)
• it's getting a bit harder, mostly because i'm not really interested in the topic - TAX. why would i wanna learn bout that? on the other hand, it could prove useful... hayy...

SOCIOLOGY

• 29/40 (C) on the first long test.
• crap. although it IS beginning to make sense. i might get through this without struggling with a bloody D or C ( i want at least a C+ if that's possible)
• i think i'm beginning to understand what she's expecting from us. konting bola lang daw. but i will exert effort on this (i.e., read up and actually think.. hehe)

that's it. the only four subjects that i'm taking now. it's pathetic, despite the lightness of my load i'm still not excelling. something's wrong. ack.

Listening to: MYMP - say that you love me
Feeling: nerdy

disappointed...?
POSTED AT 07:23 PM

budzter

 

my thoughts of you are filled with awe and all that. but when i see you, it all just seems to disappear.

when you're not around, i can't stop myself from talking about you. it's **** this, and **** that.... when i hear/see your name, i just light up and  everyone starts to think that i really like you...

but i saw you a while ago. we said hello, but i was talking to someone. but then you were trying to catch my attention daw(?) pero di kita masyado napapansin.. for some reason. (at take note, wala akong naffeel for you, parang wala lang.)

bat ba ganun? pag iniisip kita parang like na like kita, pero pag kasama kita, parang hindi tayo mag connect. at ilang bese na nangyari toh.

then pag wala ka na at naaalala kita, napapangiti nanaman ako.

kanina din, during math class, you crossed my mind, may stupid grin nanaman ako at nagmukha akong tanga. then 5 hours later, yun nga, nakita kita, wala na... wala lang.

 

i seem to like the YOU that exists in my mind, and not the YOU that actually exists. ang labo.  (gusto ko yung ikaw na nasa isip ko, hindi yung ikaw na totoo... tama ba?)

 

 

so pano toh...? comments, anyone?

*hindi toh about my crush ha, it's about a friend na like ko DAW sabi ng iba kong friends.

Feeling: malabo

disappear!! pakshit.
POSTED AT 09:03 PM

budzter

panalangin kong mawala ka sa mundo. putangina mo.

 

breathe. one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten. breathe.

 

 

 

sori. just had to let that out.

Feeling: annoyed

hayyy...
POSTED AT 07:54 PM

budzter

nothing like a few hours with D3.... haha. i love you guys!

pissed off
POSTED AT 09:44 AM

budzter

 

putangina mo.

i will not take unnecessary risks especially when it comes to public transport, which is why as much as possible i find a way around it. (i.e., hanap ng kasama, hanap ng safest way, kung may paraan na hindi na lang pumunta eh di hindi nalang... etc...) it's not all just kaartehan it's just that if i went alone i really wouldn't know what i'd be doing. so kung naghahanap ako ng paraan, pwede bang wag ka nalang maki-alam? it's not like ikaw yung kinukulit kong sumama eh, ano ba pakialam mo? as if din ikaw kausap ko.

tangina, nagdadamot ka lang ata eh. WAG KA NGA MAKI-ALAM! tangina mo.

Feeling: putangina mo punyeta ka

POSTED AT 11:21 AM

budzter

 

joint horoscope (with my crush)

That grandiose plan may sound absolutely terrific in theory, but someone needs to stand firm here. When it comes to shooting for the stars, one of you may be great at pulling the trigger, but the other needs to be the person who actually sets sight on the target. Combined, you two can absolutely reach your heavenly goals. Apart, you may just end up standing there, staring at the sky. So figure out a system of checks and balances, and you'll utilize both of your talents to the max.

 

personal horoscope.

You can definitely have anyone you want. Not just now, but always. It's just that circumstances right now will make that quite clear to you. Don't gloat. True power includes the wisdom to be discreet, when need be.

 

ahayyy...
POSTED AT 09:47 PM

budzter

saved my bad day. it turned out okay in the end.

i went to gateway after the range to check out the price difference between the mp3 player there and the one they were selling in UP. 1000+ difference, so i had no choice but to commute to UP.

ACK. trains, i love. jeepneys are just ulk. i asked the manang how much the fare was and everyone looked at me. then when i got to the entrance of UP, everyone went down, then i just sat there, then the driver kinda laughed and said hanggang dun na lang daw siya, so i went down, and i was like, where the fuck am i. so i called jen and i was like "i'm fucking lost" i was supposed to meet her at vinson's hall, and she told me to look for sunken garden. but it was nowhere in sight, so i kinda squealed over the phone. haha. pero i found them

 

so there, i now have an mp3 player. howell. it's cheap but it works, and i'm happy.

 

then we all watched (we: me, jen and her friends) phantom at film center, and i cried... again. kahit fifth time ko na siya mapanood. howell. saved my bad day. at least it had a happy ending.

ack. bitter amp. bear with me.
POSTED AT 02:06 PM

budzter

i hate that i have to share you with everyone else. no. i am not possessive. but i am getting sick of being just one of "those girls" you flirt with.

and the way it was put: "he was trying to get you drunk so he could take advantage of you", although it was meant to be a joke, kinda hit a nerve. maybe i'm just thinking too much about this, but see, nadadala na ako sa flirting mo eh, and i feel so stupid about it because you do to me what you do to practically all the other girls... and who am i to feel special?

last night was a prime example - you said i looked good; you told me i'm pretty; you told me you missed me; you told me you wanted to catch up on things; but then the second you see another girl sitting alone, you'd go and talk to her, and probably say the exact same things you said to me. ASSHOLE!

on second thought,  that's what you're trying to do, isn't it? - make me think i'm special to you so i'd feel good about myself... isn't that right? i mean you told me before that you felt the need to dish compliments out at everyone so they'd feel good about themselves, didn't you? 

you're just doing to me exactly what you do to practically everyone else, while faking the sincerity of all you said/did. i hate you for that. and i hate myself for allowing my conscious mind to look at you in this way; to take the stuff you say seriously.

oh and by the way, handing me a shot of tequila every 30 minutes isn't gonna get me drunk because you can't force me to drink if i don't want to. and even if i AM drunk, i still won't do anything stupid with you, okay? i just hope we're clear on that.

[if this is how i feel about him, why do i miss him when he's not around? and last night, i actually liked it when we hugged..................? anak ng puta. ang labo talaga. TULONG!!!]

Listening to: coldplay - the scientist
Feeling: ewan.

pagod, tangina.
POSTED AT 07:57 PM

budzter

i went to sam's party after an entire day of firing at tiny targets placed 45 yards away. tangina! i was extremely tired already and had i not promised sam i'd go, i think i would've sat that one out. but no. i still went.

the food was great! and apart from those few times when i felt kinda O.P (i was the only sophomore there, everyone else was third year or fourth year) it was all good.

had a few shots of tequila and a few glasses of the vodka+sprite+cherry ( i think) thing. people just kept handing me drinks! kung hindi si ein, si phil or that mark guy or si sam s., or si tita sab, or kung sino sino. yung iba nga di ko na ininom eh.

okay, sabi nga ni gino, that explains why you're not hitting the targets. tangina!!!! i wen't "home" (nakitulog ako kina sam) at 3 am, slept past that cause sam s. was so noisy (she was drunk) and got up at 5 then went home, took a shower, rushed to school then went to muntinlupa where i wasted 250 for the registration cause i was shooting with a headache. haha. good job, diane, good job. wahahaha

but it was all good. 2 days of fun! haha. tomorrow tho would be planting my feet back on the ground, so to speak. we go to payatas to do that survey for pingol's s.a class. pakshit. howell.

 

ack. ang messy ng entry na toh ah!! pero i'll keep it like this lang., haha.

ang daming nalasing kagabi! sam d. passed out, sam s. was laughing for no reason, abs fell down the stairs and was kissing mig and that other guy, basta! it was crazy. then ate syl was nagsesenti and telling me a whole lot of stuff about how sam's like this and like that and.. a whole lot of stuff that would be better off left err... unwritten. hehe.

pero it was great. it felt good (well it didn't this morning, but it did last night!) and.. yeah. basta. haha.

ack. ang messy talaga ng entry na toh!!!! ho humpg. at ang dami ko pang hindi nasasali pero natatamad na akong ilagay. howell. next entry ulit. ack.

[and SOMEONE was doing the exact same thing i was last night, only somewhere else and with a different group of people. coincidence noh? he was also at a party, playing billiards and doing videoke and drinking. haha. wlaa lang.]