Entries for January, 2005
January 1st, 2005
happy new year indeed... NOT POSTED AT 10:33 PM sparklers. supposedly the safest type of fireworks. NOT!!! my lucky night... i was holding the handle and waiting for the colorful sparks to start shooting off the other edge when all of a sudden sparks explode off both ends. i looked down and there was a ball of fire in my right hand. argh.. THE PAIN!!!! i dipped my hand in a bucket of water and it still hurt a lot... then dad had me take it out of the water.. and it hurt more. he ended up blowing on my hand for the next 30 min or so until he decided to let me hold it against the electric fan... tapos i took pain killers so owkei na after a while.. then when i woke up the pain was gone but the blisters were there. grr.. my right hand is useless except for my index finger [buti nalan indi natamaan] hopefully by next week wala na toh.. hopefully. grr.. what a way to greet the new year. oh well Feeling: grumpy shut me up.
|
|
January 8th, 2005
hmmmn... POSTED AT 11:33 PM anyway... there's something that's been bothering me for a while now. see i read this certain friend's blog and i realized how judgemental and how much of an elitist he [yes, i'm talking about a he.] was... and to think i expected more from him. hmph. i should have known better. he turns out to be such a snob! i mean i saw him as exceptionally smart, and don't get me wrong, he is... but it's so dissappointing how incredibly mayabang he turns out to be. i expected more from him. turns out he's just like everyboy else in his so-called "social strata". and i thought a brain would make someone better, turns out it does not. hmmph.. oh well., hmmn. let's shift to another topic, shall we? i don't get why everybody seems to be digging the long-hair-i-look-like-a-gurl look. i mean i've noticed several guys who looked really neat at the start of the school year but look like crappy gurly-gurls now. ***** is one of them. and that *.* guy who i used to like. weird. they all grew their hair long and they look really untidy... [ask yen, she'll agree with me.. diba diba diba?!] it's a good thing pitek hasn't decided to grow his hair long. he's still sporting the shaved head... speaking of pitek.. funny... i saw him yesterday when i was on my way to the lib from math class, and i didn't even give him a second look. wonder why... hmmn. i've given up on him, perhaps? well.. he IS ugly.. haven't i written about this yet? i saw him up-close, standing in front of me. and he wasn't as cute as he was from afar... but that didn't stop me from liking him before. i'm so weird by the way i cooked adobo for lunch, and it tasted like adobo!! whoopeee!!! at least i can cook ONE dish... haha.. but i seriously just mixed everything up then waited for it to boil and it tasted owkei.. hehe. i'm so happy. lol.. i guess that's it. an update on my life.. i have lit homework and a math test to study for... wish me luck folks!!! hehe.. kaya ko to! kaya ko to! papasa ako!! hehehe.. Reading: hamlet!! ewww Listening to: i miss you... Feeling: ewan ko.. basta.. yun |
|
January 9th, 2005
grr POSTED AT 08:45 PM |
|
January 16th, 2005
hmph... POSTED AT 10:34 PM so there, got up at 1 then started with my paper... listened to music and played around with anna's pc... hmmn... had my first cigarette today... it wasn't as weird as i thought it would be, just no big deal! i think i had a puff too many though, cause the parking lot of the dorm began to spin... oh well. i probably won't do it again though, hopefully. weird, how all my life i totally abhorred people who smoke, that includes my mom, but then now that i tried it, it's no big deal... still. i don't like it when people who i look up to begin smoking. like when i found out sam used to smoke. that came as a big shock. she's one of the person i look up to and it's kind of weird na she smokes. i don't know. i know it's really wrong to judge people by the stuff they do and smoking won't make anyone less of a person... hmmn. let me take a look at that again. "SMOKING WON'T MAKE ANYONE LESS OF A PERSON" there is something kind of wrong with that statement. see smoking, for me is a sign of weakness. it's a coping mechanism. a last resort. at least for those who have good reasons to smoke, unlike those people who think it's a nice social stand. i mean, i know my mom smokes out her frustrations on my dad so i guess that's a tolerable excuse. although it just shows she's weak, cause she needs something to hang on to. i mean if you're really strong you'd be able to take whatever shit life deals you and not have to smoke. what.. everrrr.. wanna know something gross? ay wag nalang.. nyahaha... can't wait till tomorrow... NOT!!! i have a long test in lit, yet what am i doing? plus i have homework in fil which i haven't done. what the fuck... oh well.. this is such a fucked up life, dya think? at least i still have my friends... hmmn 
Reading: hamlet Feeling: ..... err.... stinky!!! |
|
January 17th, 2005
crap... pero at least tapos na! POSTED AT 12:06 PM anyway... just finished my filipino homework and i gotta go print it out... then hopefully grab some lunch before heading for my next class. Reading: nothing!!!! for once! Listening to: the noise in ctc 118 Feeling: hungry |
|
January 20th, 2005
all fucked up... POSTED AT 09:51 PM it's like this, i was supposed to do my paper and study for math this morning from 9am til 3 pm then go with sam and her groupmates to do an interview thingy at an orphanage somewhere in manila.. i have no idea where, all i know is that we would've had to take 2 trains and a cab... guess what happened? i fell asleep from 9 til 11:30. then when i got around and was about to download thoe sample long tests from the net, meg, my english blockmate, asked me if i was done with lit homework. the fuck! lit homework? what lit homework? i fuckin freaked out..!! anyway, i was able to do it really fast, then started with my english paper. i wasn't able to finish it tho, cause sam, sam, abby, and miguel arrived at the dorm (yes, i have a new friend, Miguel Carlos. but i prolly won't even see that guy again ever, but hey. new people! hehe) then we all went to shakeys for ice cream and mojos then went back and hung out at the dorm. btw, phil and gino came over for a while to ask if we had a dvd they could borrow, but we didn't then they just hung out for awhile. so here i am, 9:46 in the evening, a few hours before midterms, and i don't know a shit about math. crap!!!! wish me luck!!!  i'm chatting with * btw, so i have a feeling i won't be studying till around 10. hmmph last... it's KUYA pau's birthday on tuesday, and guess what he's doing? he's actually gonna go over to the orphanage and take care of some kids! now how nice is that? this world needs more people like him talagA! hehe... hmmn. what else? guess that's it. my day. Feeling: nothing. absolutely nothn |
|
January 23rd, 2005
lessons in love! hehe POSTED AT 07:22 PM don't make a guy think you like him if you don't, he just might believe you. lesson number 2. never test how much a guy likes you by making him jealous. that never works, may tendency pa tuloy na maturn-off siya o isipin niyang indi ka interesado lesson number 3. mamaya na nga, wala akong maisip eh. hehe.. anyway, just wondering. guy a thinks you like him, and you kinda do, but you're not sure. guy b is someone you never really liked. there is a chance for you to get to know them both at the same night. turns out you "click" more with guy b but you don't like him in that way. you realize you really do like guy a, but guy a now thinks you like guy b better. what the fuck. i need to get some sleep.
Feeling: confused |
|
January 26th, 2005
reflections sa fil class. POSTED AT 03:17 PM Sitting in Filipino class listening to a discussion on a piece on suicide, both physical and social. I realized something. Coming to Manila was a form of committing social suicide. ang pagpapakamatay ay hindi lamang sa pagbawi sa sariling buhay, kasama na dito ang pagkalas mula sa kinasanayan at paghanap ng alternatibo dito. [sorry Mr. Salazar kung mali man ang pagkakaintindi ko!] from that discussion I learned that doing something like that could be either to escape from something, or to look for something better. either way, you're doing something drastic - a major change in your life. walang hiya. yun yung nararamdaman ko. then the question: kumusta ka? haha. HINDI MASAYA... at least I think so. I killed my old self when I chose to come here and have a new and different life. I know now what made me so miserable - it was the fact that I continued to live in the memory of the life I once lived. A life where I had almost nothing to worry about. When I could just go about my merry way without having to worry about my papers for school or a coming long test or what my teacher would think about my paper, how embarassing it would be if i get kicked out, shifting to another course, blahblahblah, i could come up with an endless list. but hey, hang on a second... Didn't I complain that my life was boring? ironic. I hated not doing anything. I wanted a challenge. I got exactly what i wanted. And then I began to regret wanting it. but hey. it's not boring anymore... i'm learning so much by being here. ... teka what was my point again? oh yeah. thinking about that suicide thing, di ba there are only two possibilities? either may tinakasan ka, or you wanna move to a better life.... i thought that the "suicide" i did was bad... because i regretted it for a while. then now i realize that i got something out of it after all. (duh?!) okay, i don't think i'm making much sense na. guess i'll end this here. Feeling: malabo! |
|
January 26th, 2005
an update on my grades. POSTED AT 03:35 PM C+ putangina! puro C+. except Lit, D. and Fil, C. Everything else is a C+!!!! betcha that's gonna change!!!! hehe. I got a B+ in the midterm exam for Math 12, so I guess that's gonna pull up my grade from a C+ to a higher B. In english, I'm hoping for a B at least for Task 2. that would also bring my grade from a C+ to maybe a lower B(?) not sure though... Physics. Ay. Dito ko masasabing asa ka pa! hehe... it's probably gonna go from a C+ to a C especially after the last exam.. GRRR... i gotta make up for that. Physics lab... I don't wanna talk about it! Literature. Acuna, kiss my ass. nyahahaha.. hnde, joke lang. kasalanan ko naman yun eh, lahat ng tao nagsasabing sipag ang kailangan diyan... well, ako ang dakilang tamad. handa akong panindigan yun. so i'll take that D, thank you very much. just please please don't give me an F. what else ba..? Sa fil, C is already high. everyone else got F's and D's. but still. i don't wanna be like everyone else lang. if i wanna get out of I.s then i need decent grades. ewan. bahala na. wala na ata akong paki-alam. basta hindi pa ako masipa, okey pa. hehe. wish me luck peeps!!!!!!! Feeling: frustrated\ |
|
January 28th, 2005
hollow feeling. POSTED AT 10:29 PM plus a weird phone call from my mom... [ budz: are you guys fighting again? mom: kinda. budz: don't na! mom: why not? budz: cause i don't want you to anymore! mom: just because you don't want something to happen doesn't mean it's not gonna... blahblahblah... ] everything seems to be falling apart. to think that a few days ago a very good friend of mine asked me how i was and i said "masaya ako." to which he replied "good for you." yes... masaya na ako... had several sessions of bonding with the team, my grades are better, i'm happy with my block, i might get a chance to shift... everything seems perfect. then he had to come along and fill me with false hopes and crap plus my parents pa.. grr. just when everything was alright. shit. a hollow feeling at the pit of my stomach. Thoughts of him rushing through my head. a weird phone call from my mom. i lit my 2nd cigarette with yen tonight. our 2nd and last cigarette. and this time we got one each. last na. cause pitek hates cigarettes. not that what he thinks matters anymore. it didn't help much. i broke a promise to myself. Feeling: hollow. empty. absurd. |
|
January 28th, 2005
lessons in love part 2 POSTED AT 10:38 PM know when to let go. before you become a grinning giggling idiot in need of a cigarette. [ like this silly gurl sitting next to me... hehehe lesson number 4 if you and your boy have nothing to talk/text about, don't talk/text at all. it's gonna make you feel bad lang. don't push it. lesson number 5 if you don't hear from him for more than a week, drop it. lesson number 6 if your gurl is dumping you, cry. she'll take it back. lesson number 7 don't apologize through email. lesson number 8 don't attempt at using self pity as a means of getting her sympathy. she'll think you're pathetic, not worth her time. wahw... dami lessons ngayon ah.. hehe. lesson number n don't fall in love at all, so you won't need any of these lessons. badtrip noh?? Feeling: pretty. VERY pretty |
|