here i go again. este eto nanaman ako
POSTED AT 09:32 PM

budzter

nawawalan ako ng oras para isipin siya.

bakit kaya?

sa kalagitnaan ng pinakamalungkot na mga bahagi ng aking buhay, siya ang tangi kong inaasahan upang maibalik ang liwanag sa aking mundo.

ngunit bakit hindi ko siya maisip?

bakit ko nga ba iisipin yun eh wala naman siya...

bakit ko papahirapan ang sarili kong isipin siya at hanap-hanapin siya eh wala naman siya diyan para sa akin. hindi niya naman ako iniisip, nakikita, o kung ano ano man. hindi nga niya alam na buhay ako diba?

akala ko makukuntento ako sa tingin lang ngunit hindi pala. hindi pala kayang hanggang dun lang. every human being would always ask for more. nagsasawa na ba ako sa pagiging invisible?

what the hey...

meanwhile hirap na hirap pa rin ako sa pag-aaral. kakapagod nang pumasok.

kakapagod.
kakainis.
grrr...

may bago nga pala akong friend. haha. kaya lang pilit niya akong tinatawag na nerds... kasi daw glasses ko. eh kung wala akong glasses mukha akong addict eh.. hindi.. arrghh... bhala na.
Reading: hamlet
Listening to: the nearness of you
Feeling: stupid

konting tiis nalang!!! bwahahaha
POSTED AT 04:16 PM

budzter

hmmph. one more week to go before Christmas break and I can't wait!!!! sobraaaaaa....

yupyupyup!!! finally... what i've looonggg been waiting for....
CRISTMAS BREAK!!!!

hahahaha...

but first i have to survive the last week of school for the year 2004

fuck.

hmmn. all in all this week went owkei.

ganito yun...

monday: wala lang. sinubmit ko yung paper kong walang kwenta. tinanggap naman. sa wakas tapos na kami sa inferno. at nasa hamlet na kami. medyo nagalit nga si Mr. Acuna dahil tatlo lang sa buong klase ang nagdala ng libro. tapos nagbigay siya ng napakaraming homework. pero ayos lang.. madali namang basahin yung hamlet. besides, marami namang commentaries nun sa net. hehehe

tuesday: freecut yung lit!!! wahoo... pero wala naman talaga dapat lit dba kasi tuesday, pero finollow yung monday schedule kaya nagkaganun. tapos nag taco bell kami ng blockmates ko. pumunta kaming gateway mall. saya sobra..!!! i miss block bondings.. kaya lang except for sanndra, halos puro boys yung kasama namin. pero masaya pa rin, kasi mga gago sila!!!
then nung gabi pumunta kami nina ate sam, ate sam, ate abby, tsaka yung blockmate nilang si patrick sa metro east. manonood sana kami ng bridget jones kaya lang for some reason, nanood kami ng seed of chuckie... gowrsh walang kwenta!!! feel-good movie sya, sobra... natawa lang kami tapos nawala yung fear ko sa dolls.[ at least may nakuha ako diba]... tapos nun, kumain kami sa wok dis way. tapos uwi and watch ng exorcist. [tinulugan ko lang naman.]

wednesday: walang pasok kasi immaculate conception. tapos bday nga pala ni magno. [dude! happy birthday! next week nalang yung gift ko sau ha!!!?? hehe ] bumming around the dorm kasama si ate sam. naglaro kami ng badminton sa labas. nilaro namin yung anak ni florence na si phillip. at napalo niya ako sa mukha. basag glasses ko.... arrrgh... hanggang ngayon medyo masakit pa yung mukha ko, pero hindi naman gaano. pumunta kaming sm north [ baduuyyy ] at nanood ng one missed call [ korneeee!!! ] tapos nun, umuwi na kami...

thursday: lagot. first long test sa physics. pero owkei lang siya.. medyo madali na hindi. ewan. bahala na. hintayin ko nlang yung results....

friday: today yun. hehe ayos lang naman ang mga class ko today. not much happened. except nung math long test na sobrang namali ko... tangina ung sagot ko (0,4) tapos yung sagot pala (1,4). putek. isang point lang!!!! tapos 20 pt question yun. arggh.. pero bahala na.... C ulit. what else is new... argh.


so there. that's basically my week. i wonder how next week'll go... hmmph...

may idadagdag pa ako, pero dagdag nalang ako ng isa pang entry kasi sobrang walang kinalaman dito yun. hehe..

excited na akong umuwi.. wala lang c",)

one last thing, tinuruan ako ni kenny magguitar ng my immortal.. tnx dude!!! hehe
Reading: hamlet
Listening to: my immortal
Feeling: relaxed

nalilito na ako..
POSTED AT 04:39 PM

budzter

nakakairita yung mga taong sobrang kulit, no?

haha. nagsalita naman ako, eh kung sa kakulitan mukhang mageexel ata ako dun eh.

pero kasi... yung magtetext araw-araw at tatawag araw-araw na hindi man lang nagpapaalam... di ba nakakairita yun? ack.. ayoko pa naman sobra sa taong yun. sana kung si PITEK siya, nako, lumipad na ako hanggang langit. at kung alin dun sa mga kaibigan ko ang nag ganun, owkei lang. pero si _?!?!?! kadiri.

eww.
eww.
yuck. yuck. yuck.

pero hindi ko siya pwedeng i-diss ng ganun-ganun nalang kasi kaibigan ko kapatid niya.

pero ayoko talaga!!!.

ang feeling niya.
yuck.

ang mapagmataas ko naman.
ang yabang nun pakinggan.

pero diba, isipin niyo... di ba may ganun naman talaga? yung ayaw mo talaga sa isang tao? yung tipong naaasar ka kapag andyan nanaman.. eww.

tapos feeling pa niya may gusto ako sa kaniya. kapal. kapal!!!!!!!!

ew. ew. ew. ew. ew.

siguro hindi na ako nasanay na ganun ang kaharap ko. sobrang hindi kami magkaintindihan. ba naman kasi, pinipilit mag ingles eh halata namang pilit. pinagmamayabang pa ang mga bagay na hindi naman nakaka impress.

siguro nasanay na akong ma feel na ako yung bobo dahil matatalino mga kaharap ko sa ateneo, kaya pag ganun yung kausap ko, hindi ko na maappreciate.

magkaibang wavelength.
at sa pagpapatuloy ng kaniyang pangungulit, mas lalo akong nandidiri at nasusuklam sa kaniya.


hindi ko nga rin maintindihan eh. siguro dahil hindi ganyang tao yung inexpect ko sa kaniya. kasi nga diba, yung kapatid niya medyo matino pa naman, eh bakit siya...?

o diba nalilito ako?

i look down on, and i really don't like, that person but my conscience bothers me everytime i think like that.

patulong nga,... i think i need help regarding this. comment kau, ha?! sobrang nalilito ako e. please?

[ paano pag sobrang ayaw mo talaga sa isang tao for reasons na mali? for reasons you know are too snob-ish. ]

chix? grace? anyone?? hellppp...



SONG OF THE MOMENT: huwag ka nang magalala hinding hindi naman ako in love sayo. bakit ba pakiramdam mo kaya...

tangina mo ang kapal ng mukha mo!!!! bhwahahahahah
Feeling: irritated

3 fell in the trap

i feel like crap
POSTED AT 04:38 PM

budzter

let me just say that again...

i feel like crap.

one more time...

I FEEL LIKE CRAP!

there. i feel better.

i can't believe i fussed over something so trivial. so trivial indeed. yet i let go of so many hurtful words that i can never take back.

a few days back i yelled at my mom because she didn't get me a ticket on time and ended up getting a not-so-good schedule. how petty can i get?

it's like this:

i asked her early pa to get me a ticket for 20, but she just forgot about it... she got me a ticket for the 19th and that kind of defeated the purpose of why i wanted to stay here longer. i mean kung hindi na man lang ako makakaattend ng party sa 19th, then uwi nalang ako sa 17th.. bat pa ako magtitiis ng dalawang araw sa dorm na mag-isa... tapos she started going on and on about how i should have text dad's secretary instead and blahblahblah and making up lame-ass excuses. i mean why couldn't she just admit that she made a mistake and that she was sorry? i mean in the first place, she should have told me earlier that she was too busy to take care of that and that i should just go find someone else to do it for me...

so there. i was really mad at her. tapos all of a sudden she looks for a way to have my flight moved to the 20th... and that makes me feel guilty... kasi i was so mad at her and i said so many bad things and she still did that for me.

i'm such a bitch. i hate myself.
Feeling: down

life is good
POSTED AT 01:40 PM

budzter

i called my mom and said i was sorry. so we're friends na.

random thoughts`
POSTED AT 02:32 AM

budzter

sometimes it makes you wonder how everything seems to fall into place then suddenly just fall apart.

akala ko lahat perpekto na. ngunit ako'y nagkamali.

akala ko siya na iyong perpektong taong aking hinahanap. ngunit hindi.

ako'y nagkamali.

lahat tayo'y naghahanap ng sinasabi nating perpekto. iyong katugma doon sa nakatala sa ating utak na deskripsyon ng perpekto..

marahil kung kayo'y tulad ko, gumawa din kayo ng checklist ng kung ano ang hinahanap niyo sa isang perpektong tao.

ngunit paano pag nahanap mo na ang taong sobrang katugma doon sa iyong nilarawan bilang perpekto?

hindi ba't dapat masiyahan ka?

paano pag ang akala mong mararamdaman mo pag nahanap mo na ang perpektong taong iyon ay hindi mo naramdaman noong kaharap mo na siya?

i looked for perfect. and i found perfect. but for some reason, i wasn't happy with what i found.

tama siguro yung sinabing ang lahat ng imperfections ng tao is what's gonna make you love them more.
Reading: hamlet
Feeling: ewan ko

him again
POSTED AT 05:43 PM

budzter

iniisip ko nanaman siya.

NO. hindi dapat.

magkaibang mundo. magkaibang buhay.

i watched george of the jungle on t.v a few days back and there was this part where what's-her-face's mother tells george to back-off cause "stripes with stripes, spots with spots".

great.

i'm fucking comparing myself to an ape-man.

but hey... that does apply to me and mr. "guy-of-my-dreams-but-not-quite-cause-he's-got-thick-lips". *wink wink*

magkaibang mundo. magkaibang buhay.

he's all that, i'm not. remember? so what am i to do..?

argh.

i dunno.

none of the other guys seem interesting compared to him.

he's just so...

i dunno.

he doesn't even look THAT good! he just has nice muscles. that's all.

and sure, he's good at basketball, but so what? lots of other guys can play basketball

and so what if he's the first person i'd spot in a crowd? he's tall and thin and bald and maputi... who wouldn't spot him?

and who cares if he's one of the few guys who look poised even when eating fishballs outside starbucks?

so what if he's really smart?

so what if he's perfect?



what am i gonna do with perfect anyway? stare at it until i get bored then revise my definition of perfect so i'd have a reason to go look for someone else?

jeez... what the fuck am i saying...

nyahaha..

[bitter much,, dya think?]
Feeling: weird

my favorite things
POSTED AT 07:00 PM

budzter

raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
bright copper kettles and brown woolen mittens...

when the dog bites when the bee stings when i'm feeling sad
i simply remember my favorite things and then i don't feel so bad.


i guess i'll have to come up with my own list of my favorite things...

well.. here goes...

* the sunrise... the best was when i took the 6 am plane to tacloban and watched the sunrise from my airplane window. twas breath taking. it was a bit cloudy, but not quite. [i'm not so good with words so i guess you'd have to see it yourself.] there was this carpet of clouds and the tip of the mayon volcano was kind of peeping through.. then the sun was only starting to rise and the sky was a mix of light blue and yellow and red and orange. kinda like the typical sunrise/sunset, but way better.
>
* the beach... although not quite, since i don't know how to swim and i hate sunburns.. but that has never stopped me from having fun. especially when we go kayaking or jetskiing.. the best!

* the fullmoon... like last night. we went to magsaysay blvd. and watched the moon. twas great. it wasn't that round anymore tho but still great.

* pitek... kinda goes without saying...

* jetskiing... going really really really fast with the water splashing on my face. doing figure eights and nearly falling off... with my mom on the shore screaming for me to slow down cause i don't know how to swim and if i fall off... let's just say i should never fall off..
[sana maayos na yung jetski before i have to go back to manila! :c ]

* rifle shooting... the best stress reliever ever!!!

* driving... although not quite... [never for my dad! stress-ful!!]

* spider solitaire... haha the best! kaka addict.. alam mong useless but you just can't stop

* milk chocolate... need i say more?

* brad pitt... eye-candy!!!!

* the people who keep me sane... [you know who you are...]

guess there are more pa... pero yan lang maisip ko for now..

guess life isn't so bad after all.
Feeling: wala lang